my life shifted the day i started choosing myself

for a change, I chose to tone down the nerd in me and write about my emotional hygiene. no maths, no physics, just feelings.

there was no big moment.
no dramatic goodbye, no teary breakdown in front of the mirror, no “this is it” kind of scene.

just an ordinary afternoon where i felt weirdly worn out like i’d been on autopilot for too long. and it clicked. i’d been showing up for everyone but me. always the reliable one, the fixer, the listener.
somewhere along the way, i stopped checking in with myself.

i used to think my value came from how much i could take on.
how often i said yes, even when i wanted to say no. how often I could bend without breaking.

that selflessness was the highest form of existing. but slowly, I lost sight of what I even needed.

the day i started choosing myself didn’t look like much.
no big announcement, no big shift.
just little choices—like saying no when i usually would've said yes.
staying in when i felt that pressure to be everywhere.
letting myself rest instead of proving something.
and finally asking, what do i actually want right now?
and then, for once, listening.

and slowly, things started to shift.
not overnight. not in some dramatic, movie-scene way.
but they did.

no one clapped when i set boundaries.
some people called it selfish.
some drifted. some stayed.
but the important part? i stayed. with myself.
and that changed everything.

now, i try to choose myself—every day.
in the small stuff. the quiet stuff.
saying no when something doesn’t feel right. letting the hard feelings sit beside me, instead of pushing them away. and speaking up, even when it’s uncomfortable. (my personal favourite)

it’s not always easy. in fact, some days it feels damn near impossible.

there are moments where i still feel guilty for putting myself first.
where the old urge to please kicks in.
where i wonder if i’m being “too much” or “not enough.”
choosing myself isn’t some romantic, feel-good moment every time.
sometimes it’s messy. awkward. uncomfortable.
sometimes it means sitting with silence. or disappointing people i care about.
but even then—it’s worth it.

because the more i choose myself,
the more life feels like mine.
i feel lighter. more honest. more at home in my own skin.
there’s a kind of peace in knowing i don’t have to earn rest.
a kind of clarity in knowing what i want and what i don’t.
a kind of joy that isn’t waiting for anyone else’s approval to exist.

and that, to me, is everything.

i wrote parts of this back in 2023, in one of my favourite places to be—the one in this picture.
it sat quietly in my notes for a long time.
today felt like the right day to pull it out and give it a little closure.